I AM

Excuse me. I am not. But don't worry...I know I Am. :)

If you've already read/heard Louie Giglio discuss this topic, the underlying concept of what I'm about to say won't be new to you, but perhaps the applications will be.

Lately, my life has been confuddled with a multitude of different activities and academics. And all it's done for me is pile into a big heap of worry, stress, and uncertainty. I know, great way to start your senior year.

I find myself asking questions. Who am I, really? What was I made to be? What will I study? Where will I go? What will I do? When will it happen? Can I afford it? Will I be happy?

My thoughts whiz by me at a million miles a minute. And ultimately I end up completely exhausted, unable to sleep, and more than a little stressed. What good is it all doing me?

Frankly, none. But recently I found encouragement in Louie Giglio's excellent book, I am not but I know I AM. That is, if God's name is I AM -- he is goodness, he is greatness, he is power, he is love, he is strength, he is kindness, he is mercy, he is justice -- then my name must be I am not -- not good, not great, not powerful, not loving, not strong, not kind, not merciful, not just. But God in his excellent greatness has called me out of darkness into his marvelous light. It reminds me of Plato's cave, only I'm no longer chained down: I've been set free! What's more amazing, I am part of a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, that I may declare the excellencies of him who did this great work. (1 Peter 2:9) But the most mind-blowing, humbling part of the whole deal is that God -- the one who is all goodness, greatness, power, love, strength, kindness, mercy, and justice -- sent his own Son to die for me the worst death, a death stripped of all goodness, greatness, power, love, strength, kindness, mercy, or justice. He looked on him as if my sin was his, and he looked to the future. He saw me, and despising his own Son, he loved me. I, dead in my sins, sick with a gross and unsightly nature, was looked on and loved by this great God. This God who is everything. His name says it all: I AM. And I have to realize, with much humility and gratitude, that I am not. 

Whoa.

So, as I've gone through my daily life, I've been asking myself how God, in his omnipotent greatness, truly satisfies my desires. As I study like some kind of SAT-maniac, and begin to stress over not having high scores, I pray aloud, Lord, you are the source of all wisdom, and I am not. I trust you. My day goes on, and suddenly I panic about my debate case. And I pray, Lord, you are the winner of every argument, and I am not. Speak to me. Again, I can find peace. Then, I realize I have to determine a college application and nervousness overwhelms me. But the Lord is good to remind me of himself, and I pray, Lord, you are the great shepherd, and I am not. Lead me.

These little acknowledgements of the Lord are not magic spells, but they do amazing work on my heart. Each time I remind myself of the Lord's presence and relevance in my life, I realize all over again just how beautiful it is that HE IS GOD, and I am not. 

Many of you will remember the song, "He's got the whole world in his hands." That song was my favorite as a child. I loved to sing it over and over and do all the motions with it:

He's got the whole world in his hands

He's got the whole world in his hands

He's got the whole world in his hands

He's got the whole world in his hands

Looking at it, the song seems pretty repetitive. After you've sung it a few times, you get the idea and you're ready for it to end. But I think there's something profound to learn here: God really does have the whole world in his hands. Because God's name is I AM, and thus, we are not. Even so, he chooses in his goodness to keep the whole world in his hands.

Somehow that's easier to believe as a child. A child's parents feed him, clothe him, shelter him, take him everywhere. His troubles consist of scraped knees and broken Lego sets. Then, at some point, he realizes the world is much bigger than he will ever be able to handle. More than a thousand of him could handle. More than the whole world can handle.

It's no wonder John Newton wrote his infamous hymn, "Amazing Grace." Newton was a slave ship captain, an adulterer, and a drunk. His youth was spent on women and wine. Then, in a

terrible storm, God caught Newton's attention. In months, Newton went from being a slave to sin to being a preacher of freedom, both man's and God's. Newton was considered the worst kind of heathen: no man on earth could have turned around his life. And, God didn't have to do it. After all, he is God. But he did it for Newton.

And he did it for me. And for so many of you. So my stresses come. Tomorrow, I'll study for the SAT. I'll research for debate. I'll work on essays for college applications. I may even do some political work. And you know what? God's name is still I AM.

Soli Deo Gloria!

~Meridian

[i am not]

First Grade Theology

Just finished VBS. Memorable quotes:

"You may now marry your lovely wedded husband."

"God made man upside right"

"God gave his only forgotten son."

Referring to a verse saying "Therefore God exalted him..." a child said, "For there God exasperated him."

And the best one...

Did you know that Jesus died for our starvation?

So, to sum up a first-grade theology God made man upside right, but we sinned, so he gave his only forgotten son. For there, God exasperated him, so that he would die for our starvation.

Yep. I had an awesome week. =D ♥

Some things I want to do in my lifetime...

...possibly in this order.


-Become proficient at singing and piano and perhaps one or two other instruments
- Go to a God-honoring college and major in English and/or History, with possible minors in Music, Education, Physics, and/or Government.
-Become fluent in Latin and possibly Greek
-Consider going to Law School (but most likely, don't actually attend unless I love the prospect)
-Run long-distance
-Work in the political world
-Attend the University of Oxford for at least one term for the experience, or possibly longer for a MA in History
-Somewhere in between the above steps, or shortly thereafter, get married to a Godly, intelligent man, and love him well
-Be a missionary for 6 months or a year
-Have kids any time after getting married, love them as dearly as old Mrs. Sowerby in The Secret Garden, and teach them to fear God and to love his precepts and creation
-Teach a handful of other eager students these same things
-Create a peaceful home where love is abounding and learning is encouraged
-Have a large garden (after all, I'll have plenty of little hands around to help! :D)
-Run a home business of tutoring or something like that to help aid with the family income
-Begin to grasp the things I love
-Paint in Italy
-Spend some time writing in Switzerland
-Possibly publish a scientific paper
-Throughout all of this, finish an epic poem or fantasy novel worth reading regardless of era


Underlying thing to do: Serve my God and be willing to add things to this list, and take them off just as easily, according to his will, and my submissiveness first to my parents, and then my husband. ;)


Meridian

Children, Artwork, and the Providence of God

Today was such a beautiful day. Such an extraordinary, glorious, wonderful day. I had a piano recital, ran errands, and rode my bike. When it was getting late in the afternoon, I suddenly had an urge to paint watercolor. Eagerly, I ran up to my bedroom, dragging my heavy, over-sized box -- filled with my portfolio, paints, paper, pencils, brushes, and palettes-- down to my front yard, where the sun was gradually getting lower in the sky. I tore out a piece of my watercolor paper, and prepared the page for my paints. In a hurry to work while there was light, I splashed blue paint on both sides of the sheet, adding a nice swipe along the top. Then I carefully mixed my greens and my blues in my palette to create a nice color for the evergreens I was painting. Layering this on top of the blue on the sides, I formed the base for my trees. Applying layer after layer, my little landscape was starting to come together. Just then I heard the sweet voice of a young girl, and the heavy, uncoordinated footsteps of a seven-year-old boy. Glancing up, I saw our two next-door neighbor kids come romping on over to see what I was doing.


I love those kids. They make me laugh...every time. At seven and five years old, they are the sweetest little creatures ever. A bit crazy, yes, but still human beings created in the image of God. Nicholas is the quiet one. Samara, his little sister, says everything for him. But regardless of their personalities, they are just fantastic. Their family moved in about two months ago, after our neighbors of nine years left. Theirs is not a Christian home, from what I can tell. Yet God still writes his fingerprints on them.


Anyway, back to my story. Nicholas and Samara came over to check on what I was doing. When they saw that I was painting, they immediately wanted to do so as well. Laughing, I told them they could, and sent Matthew (my brother) inside to get some supplies for them. Making sure they didn't mix the paints, I showed them how to use water to create new colors and add variety to their paintings. I had been out on the grass that is currently dry, and, considering that I am ten years older than they are, my mess was far less significant than theirs. At the end, I packed up my paints and was done due to the darkness and cold, but the two neighbor kids just hopped up and left, taking their little masterpieces with them. At times, that would frustrate me, but not tonight. All I could do was smile, and pick out the dead grass from their messy palettes. These two children, who really are quite untidy, hyper, and chaotic, have been a huge blessing to me. Sometimes, they come knocking on my door at the most inconvenient times. You know, those sort of days where you are practicing piano while reading your homework assignment, and as soon as you are done you jump up and rush out the door? That's what I'm talking about here. At other times it means when I am having friends over to watch a movie. Very inconvenient. Or other days where I'm just in a bad mood. But when I actually do take the time to play with these children, and enjoy them, they are great, and are such a huge blessing to me.


For a long time, I've really wanted to be a teacher. One of my goals is to take a few children, and give them an education in exactly the way I've been thinking about since kindergarten. :) Then I want to try to get all this information into their heads, get them to read a million great books, and still have them love it. Ultimately, I want them to learn to see life as a gift from God's hand, and to want to embrace the true life that comes only from him. But for the past couple of years I've really been dying to gather up three or four "guinea pigs" to try my methodology on. I know I'm too young, though. About three or four months ago, I was praying about this, because I really do want to start working on this a little more closely, but I need kids I can do it with. And not my siblings. They are already smart, and are a bit too old to start working with right now. Plus, they're my siblings. :) Interestingly, a few weeks later, the new neighbors moved in. They had these two kids, and almost immediately, the kids came over to introduce themselves. The second time I met them, I was playing piano, and they came in with Mandy (my sister) to get water. Samara was a little taken with whatever it was I was playing right at the moment, and hopped down next to me on the piano bench. "Wow...I want to do that!" she said. I wasn't sure what to say, but I asked her if she wanted to learn. Sure enough, she did. So I sat down and taught her to play a C-scale, and identify a whole note. She was thrilled, and began "composing" her own music.


The music didn't really sound all that great, but it was cute. And I was struck by her desire to learn new things. The next time I saw Samara, I was standing in my garage. She marched in with her brother, and asked me to play. I said yes, and asked her what she wanted to play. She didn't know, so I showed her the pogo stick. "Do you know how to use this?" I asked her. She shook her head no, but said (again) that she wanted to learn. Cautiously holding her on, and ensuring she was wearing a helmet, I directed her in jumping up and down. She giggled, and it was rather amusing. The next time, I told her a story. That's just how it goes. And Nicholas is starting to catch on. God has provided me with two children, who just need a little love and attention, right next door! It's interesting, because I never would have thought to teach a little girl the random things I've taught her. Yet, it is exactly what I need to do. And I am still getting to practice my teaching ability, and try out my teaching methods. Maybe someday I'll really get to teach her what I want to. For now, though, I'll teach her what I can, and pour my heart into it, because that's what matters.


God, in his Providence, has placed this little girl right here at exactly the right time. I am thrilled to get to play even a small role in God's work. So, tonight, as I was painting, and laughing at the funny mistakes the two neighbor kids made on their artwork, I just had to stop and reflect. God is amazing. I also found out something really obvious, but random: if you spray your painting with water, and leave it out in the cold, it actually freezes right on your painting. Rather appropriate, considering that I was trying (and miserably failing) at painting a frozen lake. If those kids hadn't come over, I would have gone in sooner, and my painting never would have frozen. But, when Matthew was helping me clean up after them, he noticed the ice. I was amazed, and decided to stick my painting in the freezer to preserve the cool effect. Yet another of God's small providences. :)


Meridian

Rhetoric I Speech of the Day #2: World Population

I love Rhetoric class! Here is the outline from a speech I gave the other day on the world population. Please note that when I speak about "Economic planning" I do not mean a socialistic system, but more of a preparation for this population increase by improving systems internally. For example, small businesses should be encouraged to prosper, farmers should be shown techniques for maximum production, etc. Also, when I refer to "population control" I am talking about abortion, the Pill, and all alternative modes of birth control.

Rhetoric I: Speech of the Day Number 2

Proposition: Economic planning and allowing more people on earth provides a better solution for population management than birth control or other alternative methods will employ for this issue. In other words, more people is actually a preferable thing. This is contrary to the common belief that such methods as birth control are preferable, and economic planning for more people is of a lesser importance.

I. Introduction (30 seconds)
    A. 7 Billion people: what is the issue?
    B. World populations (show graph)
    C. “Real-time” beliefs that are popular
          1. Birth control
          2. Elimination of certain ethnic groups
    D. Economic planning, and more people, provides a better alternative
          1. Thesis

II. A brief analysis of the issue (15 seconds)
    A. African and Asian populations rising
    B. European and other populations sinking


III. Definition of a good strategy (30 seconds)
     A. Utilizes earth resources efficiently
     B. Provides adequate living space for earth’s population
     C. Economically wise and efficient (jobs, finances, etc.)
     D. God-honoring and Biblical

IV. Economic planning allows earth resources to be used efficiently (15 seconds)
     A. Less people = less cultivation
     B. If cultivation is desirable, more people provides more workers and is also desirable
     C. Planning will allow for earth’s resources to be maximally used

V. Economic planning will allow for better usage of earth’s living space (45 seconds)
     A. Only 3% of earth’s 15, 794 square km of land is actually inhabited (by 90% of the people)
     B. 4.3 billion people fit into 473.82 square kilometers while the other 700 million people spread out on 15, 320 square km. We have a lot of space!
     C. Using this space is much more desirable than letting it go to waste, which would be less efficient
     D. More people is fine, and in some ways, better!

VI. Economic planning is wise and efficient for jobs (30 seconds)
     A. Some people disagree
          1. Wrong because many hands lighten the load
     B. The more people there are to create jobs, the more people there are to take them


VII. More people and economic planning are Biblical (30 seconds)
     A. The Bible calls the man with his “quiver full” a “blessed” man
          1. Children are a gift!
     B. Alternatives oppose this
          1. Birth control and elimination of people groups is unhealthy, and definitely non-Biblical!
     C. Planning is also highly advocated in the Bible
          1. Wise to prepare, that the world may benefit

VIII. Conclusion (15 seconds)
      A. World population is an “issue”
      B. Proposed methods by the world are not good
      C. Planning for more people is the best
           1. Meets criteria
           2. Provides a better societal foundation
      D. The best solution.