I AM

Excuse me. I am not. But don't worry...I know I Am. :)

If you've already read/heard Louie Giglio discuss this topic, the underlying concept of what I'm about to say won't be new to you, but perhaps the applications will be.

Lately, my life has been confuddled with a multitude of different activities and academics. And all it's done for me is pile into a big heap of worry, stress, and uncertainty. I know, great way to start your senior year.

I find myself asking questions. Who am I, really? What was I made to be? What will I study? Where will I go? What will I do? When will it happen? Can I afford it? Will I be happy?

My thoughts whiz by me at a million miles a minute. And ultimately I end up completely exhausted, unable to sleep, and more than a little stressed. What good is it all doing me?

Frankly, none. But recently I found encouragement in Louie Giglio's excellent book, I am not but I know I AM. That is, if God's name is I AM -- he is goodness, he is greatness, he is power, he is love, he is strength, he is kindness, he is mercy, he is justice -- then my name must be I am not -- not good, not great, not powerful, not loving, not strong, not kind, not merciful, not just. But God in his excellent greatness has called me out of darkness into his marvelous light. It reminds me of Plato's cave, only I'm no longer chained down: I've been set free! What's more amazing, I am part of a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, that I may declare the excellencies of him who did this great work. (1 Peter 2:9) But the most mind-blowing, humbling part of the whole deal is that God -- the one who is all goodness, greatness, power, love, strength, kindness, mercy, and justice -- sent his own Son to die for me the worst death, a death stripped of all goodness, greatness, power, love, strength, kindness, mercy, or justice. He looked on him as if my sin was his, and he looked to the future. He saw me, and despising his own Son, he loved me. I, dead in my sins, sick with a gross and unsightly nature, was looked on and loved by this great God. This God who is everything. His name says it all: I AM. And I have to realize, with much humility and gratitude, that I am not. 

Whoa.

So, as I've gone through my daily life, I've been asking myself how God, in his omnipotent greatness, truly satisfies my desires. As I study like some kind of SAT-maniac, and begin to stress over not having high scores, I pray aloud, Lord, you are the source of all wisdom, and I am not. I trust you. My day goes on, and suddenly I panic about my debate case. And I pray, Lord, you are the winner of every argument, and I am not. Speak to me. Again, I can find peace. Then, I realize I have to determine a college application and nervousness overwhelms me. But the Lord is good to remind me of himself, and I pray, Lord, you are the great shepherd, and I am not. Lead me.

These little acknowledgements of the Lord are not magic spells, but they do amazing work on my heart. Each time I remind myself of the Lord's presence and relevance in my life, I realize all over again just how beautiful it is that HE IS GOD, and I am not. 

Many of you will remember the song, "He's got the whole world in his hands." That song was my favorite as a child. I loved to sing it over and over and do all the motions with it:

He's got the whole world in his hands

He's got the whole world in his hands

He's got the whole world in his hands

He's got the whole world in his hands

Looking at it, the song seems pretty repetitive. After you've sung it a few times, you get the idea and you're ready for it to end. But I think there's something profound to learn here: God really does have the whole world in his hands. Because God's name is I AM, and thus, we are not. Even so, he chooses in his goodness to keep the whole world in his hands.

Somehow that's easier to believe as a child. A child's parents feed him, clothe him, shelter him, take him everywhere. His troubles consist of scraped knees and broken Lego sets. Then, at some point, he realizes the world is much bigger than he will ever be able to handle. More than a thousand of him could handle. More than the whole world can handle.

It's no wonder John Newton wrote his infamous hymn, "Amazing Grace." Newton was a slave ship captain, an adulterer, and a drunk. His youth was spent on women and wine. Then, in a

terrible storm, God caught Newton's attention. In months, Newton went from being a slave to sin to being a preacher of freedom, both man's and God's. Newton was considered the worst kind of heathen: no man on earth could have turned around his life. And, God didn't have to do it. After all, he is God. But he did it for Newton.

And he did it for me. And for so many of you. So my stresses come. Tomorrow, I'll study for the SAT. I'll research for debate. I'll work on essays for college applications. I may even do some political work. And you know what? God's name is still I AM.

Soli Deo Gloria!

~Meridian

[i am not]