My favorite class has
got to be, without a shadow of a doubt for one teeny instant, omnibus class. It's filled with elaborate tales of daring heroes, malicious villains, hopeless paupers, and abundantly wealthy monarchs. In omni class, we talk about philosophy, life, history, literature, theology,and politics; and amidst all that we answer some interesting questions. For instance, "Should we seek out bad friends in order to influence them?"
It is this question that I wish to address. First off, a clarification: When I say "bad," I mean someone with a lack of good character, and when I say "friend," I am using the term casually,but that term will be expounded on throughout the course of this article. Hopefully you will find this both useful and interesting. So now, allow me the honor of taking you on a journey through a very unique creation, one that has existed for all time, and yet, which no one, outside of the grace of God, can understand.
The Origins of Friendship
While I already clarified my meaning of friendship, I think it is helpful to realize that this was only a launching pad I was willing to employ for the purposes of introduction. In actuality, the word "Friend" has a complex etymological background that forces us to realize some interesting things about true friendship. According to mw.com, the etymology of the word is as follows:
"Middle English frend, from Old English frēond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frēon to love, frēo free."
So, in other words, as Noah Webster put it in 1828,
"We see the radical sense is to free; hence, to be ready, willing, or cheerful, joyous, and allied perhaps to frolick."
What does this tell us as wise, modern Americans who think
so much more brilliantly than prior generations? ;) Well, it should inform us that we have a problem with our definition of friendship. In other words, what I defined friendship as in the first place is just downright wrong. That's really
acquaintance. The next level of knowing another person is generally referred to as "friendship," but I'll call it
familiarity: the point in time where you are become more deeply knowledgeable about the habits, tastes, and interests of the other party. The next stage, often called a
close friendship, is what I might call a
friendship: a level of vulnerability and openness with one another. Finally, though, we reach what I call
true friendship: being completely open with other person, and having no need whatsoever to be concerned with what they will think, having them know you forward and backward, and not caring that they do. That's what a true friendship is, in my opinion. So, I will be using these terms a bit to describe what I am trying to get at with my evaluation of the friendship process, and my eventual answering of the original question placed forward, "Should we seek out bad friends in order to reach out to them?"
Why Does Friendship Exist, and Where Does it Start?
Now that I've given a lengthy introduction, hopefully that underlayment will be firm enough that these top layers, if you will, can go much faster than the previous two. :)
Friendship exists because God has created mankind in his own image. God is a relational God, and we inherited that quality. As a result, friendship is actually essential the well being of a person, and at the very least a good idea for survival. Throughout history, many other purposes of friendship have arisen: protection, confidence, comfort, and even understanding. Yet, they all come from the root cause of God's bestowment upon us of friendship.
So where does friendship begin? Well, everyone knows this (or should), but it has to begin with a meeting of some sort. In today's technological world, this may not necessarily be a physical meeting, but there must be a form of introduction. Secondly, there must be a connection of some sort. This doesn't necessarily mean you'll hit off right away, but there needs to be some connection (i.e. interests, common activities, faith, background, etc.).
"I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you -- Nobody -- Too?
Then there's a pair of us?
Don't tell! They'd advertise -- you know!"
-Emily Dickinson
Finally, there needs to be opportunity for this relationship to grow. A friendship is nothing more than a mere acquaintance if the persons involved have no opportunity through which to develop their relationship. The one possible exception is that of believers in Christ being friends with one another. However, even in this case, this is just a step deeper than acquaintance in the knowledge department, but is marked (or should be marked) by brotherly love.
How a Friendship Blossoms (and Why it Must)
"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit."
-Aristotle
And so it is. We all know from experience that even in "bosom friend" cases such as that of Anne and Diana, having a deep, true friendship takes time. The true friendship is a lifelong process.
"New-made friendships, like new wine,
Age will mellow and refine.
Friendships that have stood the test --
Time and change -- are surely best;
Brow may wrinkle, hair grow gray;
Friendship never knows decay."
-Joseph Parry
This is the general rule, and such a friendship must be consistently developed, or it will never reach that level of depth. However, there are a few cases in which exceptions are made, such as that of Jonathan and David.
"As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."
-1 Samuel 18:1
It's interesting the situations God will put us in for such a friendship. At any rate, it is typically a good idea to nurture a friendship, especially one just budding. At this stage, anything could happen. Go with the flow, but keep in mind some cautions: Do not share personal information too quickly at this stage, but do
not act secretive either. Both can end up in a disaster. But don't let that hold you back, and enjoy this friendship for goodness' sake! =D Also, make sure that you find the good qualities in this person. That shouldn't be hard if you are making wise friend choices (and yes, I know, that contradicts what I suggested at the beginning of this post, but hold on, you'll see later where I am going). By making wise friend choices, admiration should be natural.
One Small Step for Individual, One Giant Leap for Friendship-kind
Well, I hope this isn't terribly boring you as we go through the stages of a friendship, but even if this is the body of my writing, you will see why later. I promise. For now, stick with me. After all, that's what a friend does, right?
Hopefully. If a relationship of any sort is going to grow. The order of these two things is not crucial, just that they both happen: a) one individual must impact the other to the point of change, and b) confidence must arise. Typically, those two will happen in that order, but different friendships work in different ways. Not surprisingly, most relationships, even bad ones, follow this order of events. For instance, look at wars. Most often what happens is the two nations get to be familiar with each other. One might store up weapons or invade a little on the other nation. The difference between a friendship and war, though, is that war is a result of the fact that mankind is fallen. Thus, the second step is anger, rather than confidence. Moving back after that little aside, though, we must acknowledge that these two things
must take place. Period. Hopefully, I've made my point, but just to drill it in a little further, here are some quotes for my personal affirmation.
"I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me."
-Roy Croft
Before I give the second one, allow me to point out that we are assuming here that, as this quote suggests, before we can even
get to the being influenced part of friendship, there must be admiration (see previous section.) Moving right along now...
"Perhaps he too make have walked the same road
With a much troubled heart and burdensome load,
To find peace and comfort somewhere near the end,
When he stopped long enough to confide in a friend."
-Anonymous
Isn't that a glorious feeling, when you have a friend like that? Just being able to confide, knowing that your friend has something in common, maybe even being a "Nobody," as Emily Dickinson put it; being desperate; and then realizing that you had no reason to be desperate all along? That is a sure sign that real friendship is either embodied, or just about to be.
"We just click, I guess!"
Well let's hope it's a lot more than that. "Clicking" is great, but true friendship is going to be deep, and you will discover yourself more at a loss for words to describe your friend, or otherwise, eager to spew out everything about them, because you want the world to know just how amazing they are! That's love, and that's a deep kind of friendship. Not surprisingly, there are many quotes on this that speak so much more eloquently than my words ever could, so allow me to set them before you in the most logical manner I can arrange.
"True friends stab you in the front."
-Oscar Wilde
Oh my, yes they do. My very best friends do it, and as much as it hurts, I appreciate it so very much. The only way to truly become a better person is to rest in the grace of the Lord, spend time with him, and have good friends. Possibly counting books, by the way. ;) Be willing to change. Without this you cannot have a successful friendship. If you do have room for growth, though, not only will you grow, but your friendship will, too, to the point where,
"To mingle friendship far is mingling bloods."
-Shakespeare
Logically, if you are both stabbing each other in the front every once in a while, your bloods ought to mingle. And what will result? Most definitely mingling bloods. So what happens when bloods mingle?
"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies."
-Aristotle
Definitely not always an easy thing, because you might become so much alike that you will have a hard time balancing one another out! But still, it is remarkable, and each new day as friends should only enrich this beautiful symbiosis.
"For what is your friend that you should seek him with
hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live."
-Kahlil Gibran
Symbiotic relationships are essential to life for some creatures. So they become in true friendship, as this quote so elegantly remarks. Don't get together just to kill time: be friends to live
in time. Sooner or later, you will find yourself saying,
"I would not wish any companion in the world but you."
-Shakespeare
Now, let me point something else out: if your friendship is at this point, you are either really super-best friends, or more likely, you are married to your best friend. This, by the way, in case you haven't noticed is
always the way it should be, in every marriage, though sadly many people have fallen from it. Still, though, whether or not we are talking about marriage or super-best friendships, Shakespeare got it dead-on right, and right in line with Scripture.
"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." -Proverbs 18:24
What on earth did this have to do with my intro?
It's a good thing that introductions and conclusions are always supposed to line up, or you might have thought I'd never get around to anwering my original question. Or perhaps that thought already crossed your mind. At any rate, here is my answer.
Just to refresh yor mind, my question was that of whether we should seek out "bad" friendships in order to reach out to these people? Well, now that I've taken you through the steps of a friendship, this should be pretty easy to answer. Number one, realize that you won't
necessarily have to
seek out such friendships, because God might bring them into your life anyway. In that case, embrace it. But in both situations, start very cautiously (though openly and in a friendly manner) with an
acquaintance. It's important to determine who is going to be the influencing party here. If you feel you might be more influenced, be extra careful to keep your relationship at the lower levels, the ones preceding influence and confidence. If, however, you feel you might be the influencing party, go ahead and allow yourself to move forward
very slowly. As I have shown you in this essay, the further along a friendship gets, the easier it is to be influenced. Watch it, but don't be afraid to befriend people like this. It's the great commission. Go for it!
The Ultimate Friendship
I want to make one final point before I leave you. The best friendship you ever can have, or ever will have, is with Jesus Christ. If you haven't accepted him as your personal Lord and Savior, do so right now! You may sufffer for it, but it will be the greatest choice you ever made.
TRUST ME. I did it.
"The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant."
-Psalm 25:14
It is so true, and it is demonstrated through God fulfilling his covenant by Jesus. Jesus LAID DOWN HIS LIFE FOR YOU!! Be friends with him. Live with him in paradise for eternity. Serve him and worship him here on earth and forever.
"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you."
-John 15:13-14
Thank you, Father! And thank you all for taking a while to read through this post. I hope it blessed you as much as I was blessed to write it.
Soli Deo Gloria!
-Meridian
